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08 June 2006 @ 11:00 pm
Fic: Letting Go  
Since I'm in the post-fic blues (what I get after a looong writing project), am procrastinating on my J/D ficathon entry, and felt like being different, I wrote a short Sam/Jack friendship piece. I don't have many Sam fans on my flist (I think) and I know I have even fewer Sam/Jack friendship fans, but I had a nice time writing this and I thought I'd post it anyway.

Title: Letting Go
Author: Moonshayde
Season: Five
Category: Episode Tag for Desperate Measures, Drama
Spoilers: Desperate Measures
Pairing/Character: Sam/Jack friendship
Summary: Sam and Jack come to terms with what happened with Adrian Conrad.
Warnings: None
Rating: PG

Author's Notes: I just wanted to add a little more friendship into the fold.

Disclaimer: Stargate, Stargate SG-1 and all of its characters, titles, names, and back-story are the property of MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, Gekko Productions, SciFi Channel, and Showtime/Viacom. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author. This story cannot be printed anywhere without the sole permission of the author. Realize this is for entertainment purposes only; no financial gain or profit has been gained from this fiction. This story is not meant to be an infringement on the rights of the above-mentioned establishments

Sam hesitated by the door, unsure if she should proceed. Colonel O'Neill appeared to be asleep – if his open mouth and slack jaw were any indication – and he had a couple of machines monitoring his vitals. Peaceful wouldn't be the word she would use to describe him, but she didn't want to disturb him nonetheless.

This had been her fault.

"Are you just going to stand there all day?" he asked, surprising her. He'd opened his eyes and was watching her, though his face was unreadable, leaving Sam feeling just as uneasy as when she'd first entered the room. Her gaze fell to the stand by his bed that was stacked with books.

"They're not mine," O'Neill said with a sigh. "Daniel feels the need to come by every hour to read to me."

Sam bit back the urge to smile as she finally made her way inside the room. This was only her second time visiting him since they'd returned to the SGC. She had wanted to give him space and some time to heal and recuperate. Though, just based on the amount of material piled by the bedside, she knew that Daniel must have been here numerous times.

She picked up one of the books. Symbolism in the Fourth Dynasty. With a half-smile and a half-grimace, Sam held up the book, waggling it to get the colonel's attention.

"Shoot me now," he mumbled, wincing as he shifted his arm. "Again."

Sam chuckled and put the book back. "If it's bothering you, why not just tell Daniel? I'm sure he'll back off and give you some space."

O'Neill just rolled his eyes. "Since when does Daniel listen without putting up a fight?" He glanced over to the pile of books and gave them a dismissive hand wave. "They put me to sleep anyway."

Sam nodded, turning her head away from him so that he couldn't see how amused she was over the whole thing. She seriously doubted that he was hell bent against any company whatsoever, but she wasn't going to call him on it. Instead, she eased herself into the chair by his bedside.

"How are you feeling?" she asked.

"Oh, like I've been shot."

She grimaced and looked down at her hands.

"Relax, Carter," she heard him say. "It's not your fault. I've been shot before anyway."

She wished she could absolve all fault in what had happened. But there was a part of Sam that couldn't let go. She always had this drive to be better, to push that extra mile, to be more. She wasn't even sure why. But it was there, and it was undeniable.

Which made any fault or loss feel like an insult, a failure. Part of her felt that she should have been stronger so that she could have foreseen the danger and spared everyone else. She couldn't abide any sign of weakness, whether it was physical or emotional. She couldn't come to terms with it. Not when she had to fight in a man's world.

There was another part of her that tried to listen to reason. She knew that there was nothing she could have done. She had tried all that she could. Maybe that's what bothered her the most. Or maybe it was because she had come so close…

She set her jaw, chastising herself for letting her thoughts get the better of her. She only remembered that she wasn't alone in the room when she felt O'Neill's eyes on her.

His lips were tight, face stony, with a hard, tetchy quality to his eyes. Yet, remarkably, they were also soft, concerned, and he seemed to teeter on the edge of wanting to say something, but unable to do so.

She could read beyond the contradiction in his face, touching upon part of the root of his mixed emotions. She felt them. She knew Daniel and Teal'c felt them as well.

They had almost come too late. She almost hadn't made it.

And now they were dealing with that reality.

"Don't," Colonel O'Neill said, his voice firm and his gaze unwavering. "Just don't."

But Sam couldn't. Not this time. "Sir…"

"Drop it, Carter. Just let it go."

She twisted her fingers and winced, still overcome by the images of being tied down, knowing that if she didn't act fast she would likely die. She could still taste her fear and feel the adrenaline as it pumped through her blood, propelling her forward. And yet, no matter what she did, it didn't matter. She couldn't escape.

O'Neill was still gazing at her. There wasn't just sympathy there, lurking in his face, but genuine compassion. He understood.

"It's over. It happened," he said. "You're all right. Everything worked out fine. Sometimes you just have to let it go."

Sam nodded, feeling some of the tension start to melt away. The images remained, as well as the shame, but when she studied her commanding officer's face, she could read the confidence there, the unspoken support. Colonel O'Neill believed in her.

Sam found herself smiling, her first authentic smile since they'd returned from Adrian Conrad's hideaway. "Thanks, sir."

"Good," he said, appearing more lively already. "Now, see if you can find Teal'c before Daniel gets back here. I need my Gameboy as a distraction before I have to learn about…" He grabbed a book and glanced at the title. "Babylonian counting systems."

She chuckled, watching O'Neill groan as he tossed the book back on the stand. "Yes, sir." She made her way back to the door, stopping to pause and sneak a glance back toward O'Neill. He was watching her, the corners of his mouth still turned upward, his eyes soft and forgiving.

She knew she could count on him. She knew she had Daniel and Teal'c as well. Maybe that's all she needed right now.

It would take some time, but that didn't seem to matter much anymore. In the end, she knew she'd be okay.

And that was the greatest lesson Colonel O'Neill could ever teach her.
Current Mood: creativecreative
cyren_2132cyren_2132 on June 9th, 2006 05:47 am (UTC)
I love friendship fics no matter who they involve (and lately I've been surprising warm to the Jack/Sam ship in all its forms...well, all of its well done forms, that is.)

Anyway, nice work. This line:
She couldn't come to terms with it. Not when she had to fight in a man's world.

reminded me a lot of season 1 Sam. While I liked that version of Sam a little less, it's nice to be reminded of her in small doses from time to time.
Working for the Mandroid: Strength (Sam)moonshayde on June 9th, 2006 11:16 am (UTC)
Thanks. I really do like friendships of all kinds myself. Jack and Daniel may be my fave characters, but that doesn't mean I don'tlike rerading or writing anyone else.

Season One Sam...I always liked her. She was a bit abrasive at times with her women power stuff and it took the writing a while to settle on her, but I do feel that a lot of how she acted comes from having to proove herself. it's just part of her character. She lost her mother at a young age and had her father and brother left. She became an theorectical astrophysist (dominate male field) and part of the military (dominate male field). It's not surprising she is always struggling not to be the girl, while trying not to deny her own femininity.

Er, yeah. Sorry about the rant. But that's why I like to see hints of that come up from time to time.
siggy: Back in the daysiggy63 on June 9th, 2006 07:14 am (UTC)
Hmmmm that was good. Really clear voices. I wish I had slumps like yours :D
Working for the Mandroid: Teammoonshayde on June 9th, 2006 11:16 am (UTC)
Thanks :)

Oh! And I like your icon. Go team!
mediatingmentor on June 9th, 2006 02:38 pm (UTC)
"Good," he said, appearing more lively already. "Now, see if you can find Teal'c before Daniel gets back here. I need my Gameboy as a distraction before I have to learn about…" He grabbed a book and glanced at the title. "Babylonian counting systems."

*loves this part especially*
Working for the Mandroidmoonshayde on June 9th, 2006 03:51 pm (UTC)
Thanks :)
Gunhildagunhilda on June 9th, 2006 03:37 pm (UTC)
Very nice!
Working for the Mandroid: Strength (Sam)moonshayde on June 9th, 2006 03:51 pm (UTC)
Thank you!

And yay for my fave icon again.
knightshade: SG - Team Greendknightshade on April 11th, 2007 03:15 am (UTC)
I love the books Daniel brought for him. ;-) Nicely done.
Working for the Mandroid: unbreakablemoonshayde on April 20th, 2007 12:33 am (UTC)
Thanks :) I had to squeeze some team with Daniel and Teal'c in there some how :)
Jenni Colelilferret on April 11th, 2007 03:33 am (UTC)
Great GREAT story!
Working for the Mandroid: Heromoonshayde on April 20th, 2007 12:33 am (UTC)
Thank you!
Gooseberry: NK-the kiss2_fish on April 11th, 2007 07:19 am (UTC)
Very good...i just love S/J-fics!!!
Working for the Mandroid: Jugglingmoonshayde on April 20th, 2007 12:34 am (UTC)
I'm glad you liked :)
Jess: SG1 - Alienslhinneill on April 11th, 2007 02:20 pm (UTC)
Nicely done. :) I really enjoyed this.
Working for the Mandroid: Pleasedmoonshayde on April 20th, 2007 12:34 am (UTC)
Thank you!
Dulce et decorum: Jack/samabbs34 on April 12th, 2007 06:40 pm (UTC)
Again Wow. your fic's really touch me. and always leaave me wanrting to know more,(which is a good thing) :) i like that you stay true to the characters, and there are certain little touches, you put in, that complete them, making them perfect, and realistic.
Working for the Mandroid: Trainingmoonshayde on April 20th, 2007 12:35 am (UTC)
Thank you very much. I'm glad that you think so. i try hard to put in the character quirks and keep them as true to what we see as possible. It's nice to know that I can get it right sometimes :)