Category: Crackfic (SPN/Twilight crossover)
Summary: Dean and Sam find something new to hunt.
Word Count: 531
A/N: Total crackfic. No SPN spoilers, but a few Breaking Dawn spoilers. With all the wank going on with the Twilight fandom, I couldn't resist. No offense to the Twilight fans. This is just in good fun. I thank fandom_wank for corrupting me on this one.
Disclaimer: None of them are mine. Just having fun.
Dean pulled the Impala to the side of the road and threw her into park. He did a quick inventory of the forest on either side of the lone highway, but didn't see a sign of a creepy or a crawly. Satisfied, he leaned back into his seat and glanced over to his right. "So, this is it?"
Sam nodded. "This is it."
Dean studied the worn paper in Sam's hands. On it there was a short list of names along with a convenient map.
"According to Bobby, his contact said the thing should be here any minute." Sam stiffened. "There."
There was a low moan from around the bend in the road. Dean leaned forward and slid his hand to the Colt at his back. Coming the opposite way was a...
Dean frowned. "For God's sake, it drives a Volvo?"
Sam ignored him. "Let's go."
Both Winchester brothers hopped out of the Impala and started toward the Volvo parked on the opposite side. What came out of the car stopped them dead in their tracks.
He was a lean pale guy, with freaky hair, and for second Dean swore the thing was wearing makeup. He squinted. Freakin' lavender eyeshadow. He didn't even know the male vamps swung that way.
But that wasn't the worst part.
The dude sparkled. He seriously sparkled.
Dean leaned over to whisper to Sam. "They starting to wear glitter now?"
Sam shrugged. "I don't know. I guess being dead can get boring."
"Couldn't they find something less pansy-like?"
The vampire started walking toward them, and paused, frowning at the sight of the Chevy Impala behind them. It looked straight at Dean. "Do you realize how much damage that car does to the environment?"
Dean blinked. "Okay, then...David Bowe here has gone eco-friendly."
"We probably should get this over with," Sam whispered.
"What? You don't want to try to reason with it?"
Sam stared at him. "Are you kidding me?"
Dean nodded. He wasn't going to argue about shiny there.
The vampire - according to the list named Edward Cullen - stopped in front of them with some superior air and stared at them in all of his shiny sparkly glory. Then he spoke.
"Do I dazzle--?"
The vampire hit the ground like a rock. Dean blew the smoke from the barrel of the Colt.
"All right. What's next on the list?"
"Something called Nessie."
"Loch Ness Monster? Here?"
"That's what the list says." Sam folded the paper and shoved it into his pocket. "You know, it's kind of weird a nest of vampires would get in touch with Bobby to take out a few of their own."
"I can't believe I'm gonna say this, but I don't think I blame them." Dean toed the glimmering body. "That's just embarrassing." He shook his head. "I never thought I'd see the day."
"Well, would you want that in your family?" Sam pointed to the sparkling vampire corpse.
"Can't pick your family, Sammy."
"Don't I know it."
Dean frowned. "Hey."
Again, Sam ignored him. "I suppose it could be worse."
"Well, it could have been some mutant death-baby."
Dean shuddered. Now that was truly a frightening thought.